COACHING MASTERY

BITE TWO

5 MIN READ

WHAT IS COACHING AND IS IT FOR ME?

If you start to look into coaching literature, you’ll find there’s no one single definition of what coaching is.

Damn it.

What we can say though, is all definitions emphasise coaching as a focus on developing a relationship.

ACCORDING TO THE INTERNATIONAL COACH FEDERATION CODE OF ETHICS, “Coaching is partnering in a thought provoking and creative process that inspires others to maximise their personal and professional potential”.

Not bad hey? Certainly sounds like a worthwhile endeavour.

While it’s great to have a sense of what coaching is, we also need to understand what coaching isn’t. A clear and necessary distinction so that we can be sure we’re entering the coaching conversations wearing the right hat.

To this point, Matt Church, an Aussie expert on all things to do with thought leadership and leadership development, has an excellent way of unpacking this. He explains that great communicators operate in three different modes; modes he labels, “Ask, Tell and Show”.

“Tell is the domain of authors and orators. It is the act of spreading a message widely, raising awareness and assembling a tribe behind the cause. Show is the act of educating and enlightening, and is the domain of the great teachers. It is the process that enables learning and growth. Ask is the ability to make space for the audience to make their own enquiry. Mastery of this capability allows the audience to develop a deep understanding of the subject.”

Matt Church

https://www.mattchurch.com/talkingpoint/tongue-fu

He goes onto to unpack the ‘TELL, SHOW, ASK’ frames by widening understanding that we can tell, show and ask, both 1:1 and also 1:MANY.

This distinction helps us map where we like to hang out as leaders and influencers.

Are you more a teller, a shower or an asker? Do you find yourself influencing more one on one, or do you address many people at once.

Mapping this is helpful.

When we’re in coaching mode, we’re in the ‘Asking mode’, and we are 1 on 1. We’re interested in holding a space for another person and allowing self discovery, so that those we’re influencing can draw their own conclusions.

A mantra you might find yourself chanting internally during a coaching conversation is, ‘bite your tongue till it bleeds’. Too often we want to jump in with our best advice or notes of wisdom. There’s a time and place for that, but in a coaching relationship, its WAY less often then you think.

Now you may be thinking, “Yeah, but I could save them so much more time if I just tell them what to do”. To that, I ask you to think back on your greatest learnings. If you’re honest, you’ll probably notice a theme emerge in the recollection of them. You may notice they were discoveries you made yourself. A-ha moments when the veil lifted and the lights came on, because you were in a place of curiously poking around and ready to learn. What I am talking about is self-discovery learning, and for adults, its one of our most powerful way of learning.

The roots of discovery are core to the human condition. To be human is to question assumptions. It’s what inspired man to set foot on the moon only half a century after air flight was labelled impossible. It’s what drives us to innovate and evolve. When we tap into this primal part of our brain, we are tapping into an a powerful driver.

Our role as a coach is to facilitate this space. While we may dip into different modes for brief periods, its necessary to stay in the coaching mode as much as possible.

To make this unpack this further, Matt Church distinguishes each mode with what their focus is, and what their audience need from them when they are in that mode.

Again, focussing on the coach, your focus is empowering individuals. Through beautiful questioning techniques and holding space long enough to allow exploration, your job is to help others see and believe their destination is possible. This specific definition, is a great way to keep the coaching relationship focussed and on point. You may wander in to the other modes, but do so with awareness and intent, not out of habit or out of your own needs to set someone straight.