BITE THREE
5 MIN READ
MYTH #1
MYTH #2
MYTHS AROUND COACHING
MYTH #1: THE PERSON OUGHT TO CHANGE.
This is an easy mindset to slip into as a leader. Usually out of frustration with a perceived lack of growth or action from the person we are working with. This mindset becomes an easy way for us to lash out when change is not happening at the rate we want it to.
THE REALITY: WITH COACHING, A PERSON WANTS TO CHANGE.
Every person has an inherent capacity for growth and development. The reality for humans, is when we’re provided the right environment for growth, we naturally want to grow. It’s an underlying principle of life and rejuvenation.
The problem with coming from the idea that a person ought to change, is that it drips with judgement. It communicates that someone isn’t okay as they are. It sends a message that is often met with defensiveness. When we are defensive, our guard goes up and our heels dig in. Whether a person ought to change aside, this approach shuts others down.
Truth, when people are provided a non-judgemental environment to set their own agendas and determine intrinsic, values aligned goals for where they want to head, your only job is to stand by with the resources and questions they need to journey that out with them.
MYTH #2: A TOUGH APPROACH IS BEST.
“Tough love”, “eye-ball em hard”, “shoot straight from the hip”, “pull no punches”… these are all tunes from the same song book. There’s a common myth still bubbling about in leadership circles that says the tough approach is best. Perhaps it comes from watching too many movies like a ‘Few Good Men’.
THE REALITY: A NEGOTIATION APPROACH IS BETTER
The more that researchers, psychologists and sociologist explore this, the more they’re realising that we just aren’t wired this way. As a matter of fact, when we feel threatened and under attack, the ancient amygdala part of our brain goes bonkers, literally heats up our frontal cortex where we make rational decisions and shuts down our ability to think clearly.
All we can think about is taking flight.
Truth, researchers have realised we’re actually wired for connection. When a psychologically safe relationship is developed we are more open to and capable of growth. When trust is high we are more willing to try and fail and grow, more open minded and more capable of learning, exploring and gaining insight.
MYTH #3
MYTH #3: YOU HAVE TO HAVE ALL THE ANSWERS
This is an incredibly important myth to bust, because it has the power to stop you from wanting to be a coach in the first place. So let’s be 100% clear on this… You absolutely DO NOT need to have all the answers. You bring the questions, and hold the space long enough for the coachee to find their answers.
THE REALITY: COACHING IS ABOUT ASKING GREAT QUESTIONS
There is a model in coaching called the ‘Co-active coaching model’. It’s a goodun because it comes from the understanding that a coachee is naturally creative, resourceful and whole. The agenda for coaching should actually come from the coachee themselves and the coaches role is only to dance in the moment, adjusting their questions and reflections based on the response of the coachee. (Co-Active Coaching, Fourth Edition: The proven framework for transformative conversations at work and in life by Whitworth, Kimsey-House, Kimsey-House and Sandahl)
If we go this way, then we start to see it’s actually not about our expertise, but really about drawing out the coachees own expertise and approach to the challenges and obstacles they face. Truth, the challenge for us, is not about having all the answers, but about becoming experts in active listening and catalyst questioning. These are skills we’ll build on in later sessions, but for, don’t shy away from starting the journey because you’re worried you won’t have answers. Your job is to bring the questions.
WHERE DOES ALL THIS LAND FOR YOU?
TIME TO PUT YOUR THINKING INTO ACTION. CLICK THE LINK BELOW TO RETURN TO THE SESSION 1 HOME PAGE AND COMPLETE THE REFLECTION SHEETS IN THE ‘DO’ SECTION OF SESSION 1.